I recently had someone share with me "they are about to test me for cancer"
They whispered the last word "cancer". It struck me as peculiar. The whisper made the illness seem unclean or a shameful disease that one gets because they have walked along the fringes of good society.
I’m finding people's initial reaction interesting when I share what is going on with me. Sucking in air through their teeth with that "I’m so sorry that is so awful" look. Honestly, it’s probably a look I myself have given before to someone else, but being on the receiving end has given me an appreciation for being more aware and sensitive. People treat me as though I've just bought a ticket onboard the Titanic.
Really people, it is not that serious.
"and if I perish, I perish!” - Esther 4
I doubt many will understand how deeply I desire to be with the Lord. Not to just feel His presence with me here, but to actually be with Him in eternity - which means I would be dead here on earth. I desire that. I know it sounds morbid, and I absolutely state I am NOT suicidal. I just really wish I was already in heaven. This world is temporary, a vapor in the wind. It is full of evil, pain, and suffering. Yes of course I appreciate the goodness here, but I have something within me that reminds me that the things of this world are not to be held as treasures. Everything here can be gone in an instant - things, and people. It sucks. It does not mean I do not care about ANYTHING. I am not a robot, I have feelings. TO THIS DAY I cry for my dogs because I miss them desperately ..... oh great here come tears!
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| One of the last pictures I took of my baby |
OK, I'm back. If I died today, I would be with HIM. I would be in the presence of the almighty creator of all things for eternity. I would be able to hear His mighty yet gentle voice say "well done my good and faithful servant" and I would be able to join the angels eternally singing "Holy Holy Holy". I would finally meet precious Silvia, I could see what Tata has been up to and finally pick the Apostel Pauls's brain one to one! But above all - ABOVE ALL - My Lord - I WOULD BE RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE!
For now, I will be content and enjoy this life. My time here is doing my Father's will and praising Him, but oh how I long for Glory! Death does not scare me. I don't WANT to think about the pain of death, so I focus on not feeling pain ever again - EVER. SWEET! When we read the promises of God, we know what is to come and there is this peace there. It is a peace that passes all understanding.
Maybe off the topic I started with, but eh it's my blog.....
So... in appreciation for being on the receiving end of pitiful "I'm sorry" glares and sentiments I encourage you to approach others with something positive. I know shocking news can naturally bring shocking responses, but after that initial shock wears off help that person focus on the good because most likely they can focus on the negative very well on their own. If someone tells you they have cancer, don't look at them like they are diseased or pitiful or worse - don't treat them like God just did them wrong. If you are someone facing a possible diagnosis - I encourage you not to worry about the end. I promise you through His word you will find comfort. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of it's won. If you are alive now, enjoy NOW.
PS just to clarify - I still don't know what I have. Biopsy to come soon I hope
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Sharon, Tis is Rixmohay. I have known you only through the chat network and now Facebook. In that time I have come to know you as a cozy and wonderful person.
ReplyDeleteI went through this in 2003 and I have experienced the same reactions. They have not even tested you yet. Don't buy the death sentence sister. I did and lived in hell due to believing the LIE. Guess what it went away and only through the power of God himself.
No I will not say I'm sorry as that would only serve to increase your feelings expressed. I will give you tons of encouragement and will support you through this, respecting your decisions. You have the same attitude that I had had for myself, ready to go and be with the Lord. Yes we do go through grief for those we love and there are those who will grieve your eventual passing away. Most do not know how to handle it and unfortunately our society has been poorly schooled in this. You have indicated that you have been through this before and let those tears flow without shame.
You are very assured of your salvation and that is great!!! Keep the things you bloged about firmly planted in your mind and spirit.Remember
Philippians 4:8 New King James Version (NKJV)
Meditate on These Things
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
I am here for you and you are free to contact me through our usual connections at this time and I will gladly give you my number which you can block your number if you feel the need. I have been there with others and have some training as well as life experience in grief counseling along with death and dying issues.
In keeping with your last paragraph This is what I am doing. The last scripture you mentioned can be found in Matthew 6:25-34 in context.
It has been a joy to have known you through the chat and I know your positions as stated, respecting them as I am on the same page. To other friends and or family reading this; she is sane and on spot with her blog and feelings. May God bless us all and may His will be done, on earth (and in her life) as it is in heaven.
I usually have my FB page open.