Pseudo tumor - WHAT they are calling it this week......

 

      Orbital pseudotumor is a non-specific inflammation of orbital tissues. It tends to be unilateral and accounts for 25% of all cases of unilateral exophthalmos. It can be remitting or chronic and progressive. It may spontaneously regress or respond to steroids. It involves predominantly the tissues immediately behind the globe.

The scleral margin often appears thickened due to inflammatory edema of the sclera and fluid within Tenon's space. Pseudotumor is an infiltrative process and usually involves both the extraconal and intraconal spaces. It appears on CT scan as areas of soft tissue density with poorly defined margins.

      The earliest changes of pseudotumor may be subtle edema of the retrobulbar fat. MR imaging with fat suppression may be the most sensitive method for detecting these early changes. Orbital myositis refers to solitary involvement of one of the extraocular muscles, usually the inferior rectus. Sometimes, pseudotumor will appear as a discrete mass and simulate a neoplastic lesion. Lymphoma must be considered in these cases because benign pseudotumor may evolve to lymphoma.

Reference: http://spinwarp.ucsd.edu/NeuroWeb/Text/orb-220.htm#:~:text=The%20scleral%20margin%20often%20appears,density%20with%20poorly%20defined%20margins.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I recently had someone share with me "they are about to test me for cancer"

They whispered the last word "cancer". It struck me as peculiar. The whisper made the illness seem unclean or a shameful disease that one gets because they have walked along the fringes of good society.

I’m finding people's initial reaction interesting when I share what is going on with me. Sucking in air through their teeth with that "I’m so sorry that is so awful" look. Honestly, it’s probably a look I myself have given before to someone else, but being on the receiving end has given me an appreciation for being more aware and sensitive. People treat me as though I've just bought a ticket onboard the Titanic.

Really people, it is not that serious.

"and if I perish, I perish!” - Esther 4

I doubt many will understand how deeply I desire to be with the Lord. Not to just feel His presence with me here, but to actually be with Him in eternity - which means I would be dead here on earth. I desire that. I know it sounds morbid, and I absolutely state I am NOT suicidal. I just really wish I was already in heaven. This world is temporary, a vapor in the wind. It is full of evil, pain, and suffering. Yes of course I appreciate the goodness here, but I have something within me that reminds me that the things of this world are not to be held as treasures. Everything here can be gone in an instant - things, and people. It sucks. It does not mean I do not care about ANYTHING. I am not a robot, I have feelings. TO THIS DAY I cry for my dogs because I miss them desperately ..... oh great here come tears! 

One of the last pictures I took of my baby

OK, I'm back. If I died today, I would be with HIM. I would be in the presence of the almighty creator of all things for eternity. I would be able to hear His mighty yet gentle voice say "well done my good and faithful servant" and I would be able to join the angels eternally singing "Holy Holy Holy". I would finally meet precious Silvia, I could see what Tata has been up to and finally pick the Apostel Pauls's brain one to one! But above all - ABOVE ALL - My Lord  -  I WOULD BE RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE!

For now, I will be content and enjoy this life. My time here is doing my Father's will and praising Him, but oh how I long for Glory! Death does not scare me. I don't WANT to think about the pain of death, so I focus on not feeling pain ever again - EVER. SWEET!  When we read the promises of God, we know what is to come and there is this peace there. It is a peace that passes all understanding.

Maybe off the topic I started with, but eh it's my blog.....

So... in appreciation for being on the receiving end of pitiful "I'm sorry" glares and sentiments I encourage you to approach others with something positive. I know shocking news can naturally bring shocking responses, but after that initial shock wears off help that person focus on the good because most likely they can focus on the negative very well on their own. If someone tells you they have cancer, don't look at them like they are diseased or pitiful or worse - don't treat them like God just did them wrong. If you are someone facing a possible diagnosis - I encourage you not to worry about the end. I promise you through His word you will find comfort.  Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of it's won.  If you are alive now, enjoy NOW.

PS just to clarify - I still don't know what I have. Biopsy to come soon I hope

Not my 1st Rodeo

People have been wondering why I wasn't scared about the biopsy. Simply put - this is not my 1st rodeo.

About a dozen years ago I had an abnormal growth removed from my right breast. It made me think of Chandler from Friends and his "nubbin"!

Someone told me they had just gone through a biopsy and that they were scared. As a believer in the teaching of the Holy Bible, she said " I know we are not supposed to be scared but I was". 

People keep telling me not to worry or be scared about what the doctors might find. I don't know how many other ways to say I really truly am not. I have NO REASON to lie about this. I used to conceal my true thoughts and feelings before coming to Christ. Now, unless I am not even aware of them, I don't really hide my emotions. It's too much work! I spent years being deceptive by putting my best face on and pretending all was peachy.  No more. This is me and I am much better at being real than wasting time and energy on pretending.  Disclaimer here - there is actually one area of my life that, if shared, would cause someone else pain. So that IS a closed topic.  

Back to my first rodeo. I had this growth for a long time, but I never thought much about it. I was in for a regular exam and there was no hiding it from the doctor who ordered it's removal. I was married at the time and don't even remember telling my ex about the surgery. I drove myself to the hospital and then home. I wasn't upset. I just remember being annoyed that I couldn't find parking!

I remember laying in the room before surgery when they came in with a local anesthetic. It was at that point that I was thought "oh wow they are about to stick that thing in my chest and cut into one of my girls!". I am the kind of person who does not think about a scary roller coaster ride until the safety restraints are being locked down! This trait is either a gift from God or I am truly missing some marbles! My friends would attest to the latter.

The biopsy revealed nothing, and I have not thought about it much since then.

So in my current rodeo, I am not scared. If anything, I am only frustrated with medical insurance delaying approval for the biopsy. The length of time it seems to be taking, I might be better off going to medical school and performing this myself!

I would rather NOT have my eyelid sliced open as they so casually described the outpatient biopsy, but I really wish it would happen already. "Heals up nicely" says my Dr.  

Anyhow this rodeo is proving much more trying, but I am not scared. I better get the chaps ready though.

Out of Focus

2020 update - I don't even remember writing most of this!

This morning the pastor preached out of 1 John. I was trying to take good notes on the different ways to be sure you are saved because that is a hot topic in the prayer room often when people question if they are really saved.  In the midst of all of the preaching I heard Gods sweet whisper and see this image of the words GENISIS 28. Now... I am NOT a bible scholar so I had no clue what was in Genesis 28 out of the top of my head and wondered if it had anything to do with what pastor was saying but I just made a mental note and tried to keep listening. Again GENISIS 28. Uh....O.k. God I'll check it out later.


GENISIS 28

“O.K. I PROMISE I will look at this after church”

GENISIS 28

“Pastor is preaching, isn’t it disrespectful to be flippin around?”

GENISIS 28

“it can’t wait 40 minutes?”

GENISIS 28

Me laughing “o.k., I’m not trying to be disobedient, it’s just the timing …”


So there I went racing to Genesis 28 speed reading….


“yah uh huh Isaac blessed Jacob…yah yah o.k. don’t marry Canaanite woman yah go to Pada what-ah?..... I don’t like when I can’t pronounce these words....oh wait SIDETRACK!  o.k. where was I ... oh yah so Issac, Jacob, no Cannanites wives…. Go to Betheul…..is that pronounced like Samuel? …uhg…sidetrack….o.k. get a wife from Uncle Laban…fruitful, multiply, blessings to you and descendants, inherit land…….. OK GOD I got nothing!!.... o.k. I’m going to keep reading but I can hear pastor talking and I’m so distracted…… O.k……so God bless you.. .wait already read that… uhg…so Jacob went away to Padawhatever to his moms brother o.k. got it…. Ok so Esau takes another wife….man this old testament multiple wives things always get’s me and….UGH SIDE TRACK!! Ok…. So is this after Jacob stole the blessing? I can’t believe his mom asked him to lie, man I ain’t lying for anyone! I don’t care who they are! When people ask you to lie for them they are asking you to sin and…..UHG SIDETRACK!!! CONSENTRATE!! OK. So yah yah uh huh Esau knew parents didn’t want Cannanite daughter-in-laws so he goes out and gets ANOTHER WIFE….I’m sure that didn’t bother him! FOCUS SHARON!! O.K. so new wife from someone in family and two others names I can’t pronounce…..(FOCUS)


Reading reading…o.k. so Jacob comes to some place, not sure where because it just says a certain place… probably another name I can’t pronounce!.....then God gave him a dream…uh huh…ladder (OH SERIOUSLY? CUZ YOU KNOW FATHER THE WHOLE SIDEWAYS LADDER THING YOU GAVE ME ALL THOSE YEARS AGO, BUT THEN IT WAS NOT A LADDER IT WAS A LETTER AND THEN THE WHOLE LETTER THING & REVELATION OF THE LETTER……O.K. NOT RIGHT NOW?...O.K. ..O.K. I’LL KEEP READING…UGH OFF FOCUS!! ) Deep breath o.k. so dream, ladder reached heavens, angels of God going up and down….ahh what a pretty image….awww sweet…but are they walking up and down or flying cuz if I was an angel I’d use my wings, no more walking 4sho! FOCUS SHARON!!


…o.k. oh and there is God above it and now he’s talking……. “I am the LORD God of Abraham …yah uh huh lands, descendants, dust of earth, west, east, north…yah all directions I get it what’s the point? ……”BEHOLD , I AM WITH YOU AND WILL KEEP YOU WHEREVER YOU GO, AND WILL BRING YOU BACK TO THIS LAND, FOR I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU UNTIL I HAVE DONE WHAT I HAVE SPOKE TO YOU”

…me….sighing…. Father I know this, but why do I act like I don’t believe it? I have faith it is true, but sometimes I wonder why I don’t show that. I need help showing I believe it.

GENESIS 28

Oh…ok. There’s more..o.k.


o.k. keep reading….. Jacob wakes up, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it”…..Yah I totally get that one…o.k. keep reading… “How awesome is this place..” hmm like Brawley? Oh o.k. house of God, gate of heaven..KEEP READING!...


Jacob wakes up early…..uhg you know I need to start getting up early, everyone in the Bible seems to be getting up early, I mean didn’t people just want a lazy day now and…..OH O.K. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!!


…takes stone, pillar, poured oil…..called it Bethel but was Luz…. Made vow…“If God will be with me, and keep me in this way that I am going, and give me bread to eat and clothing to put on, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then the LORD shall be my God. And this stone which I have set as a pillar shall be God’s house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You.”

Wait….let me read that again…….. Uhm….so yah I get it….Genisis 28, You just gave me a prayer. Ahhhh….this is why I give you praise..You are just so marvelous! Thank you Father, you know what I need, you know when I need it and I’m so sorry it takes you telling me this way.  THANK YOU FATHER!!! Because you are with me, and keep me in this way that I am going, and give me bread to eat and clothing to put on, so that I come back to my fathers house in peace, then LORD you are my God and this stone which I set as a pillar shall be YOUR HOUSE and of all that YOU give me I will surely give a tenth to you!”

He knew I was waiting on Him for answers. He chose when, where and how to give it to me. I have to fight so hard to listen while filtering through my own mind. His words are so easy, so simple, so uncomplicated yet we are so quick to make it so complex.

Thank You Father, oh and by the way…. Can you help me focus? Grately appreciated…o.k. now back to Pastors preaching!